How To Make America Great Again

I say we turn back the clock and take America back to a time when...

• presidential candidates had experience in politics.
• presidential candidates didn't commit treason, like, say, asking the Russians for help with the election.
• presidential candidates paid their taxes (and didn't brag about how exploiting loopholes and avoiding taxes "made them smart").
• presidential candidates understood the difference between an abortion and a C-section.
• presidential candidates didn't threaten their opponents with imprisonment.
• presidential candidates didn't gloat about sexual assault, and then later try to dismiss it as "locker room talk".

Proposed: No Dynasties Amendment

Apparently the guys who wrote the USA constitution back in the day felt it necessary to limit the pool of presidential candidates to natural born citizens. Whatever that means.

One thing they DIDN'T include, but obviously should have, is some stuff to prevent the establishment of a presidential dynasty. The whole point of fighting the Revolutionary War was to get rid of the British monarchical system of inheritance based on blood and/or marriage.

So let's get on this, people! We need a new constitutional amendment that says something like:

You can't be President (or Vice President, for that matter) if your father (or mother, or brother, or sister, or spouse) used to be the President.

Obviously we can't expect the founding fathers to have thought of everything, which is why they designed the constitution in such a way that it could be amended later. (NOTE: This is also why we should have amended all the "right to bear arms" stuff, assuming we don't want that right anymore, instead of just going ahead infringing it all over the place.)

Domino's Pan Pizza = Delicious!

Domino's pan pizza is absolutely delicious. Considering that a medium 2-topping only costs $7.99, it must be one of the best delivery values in the universe according to the commonly-accepted formula:

		taste * calories
value	=	----------------
		price

The only problem is it always gives me the runs. By "always" I mean "frequently," because I "always" order Domino's pan pizza (regardless of the diarrhea) because it's just SO DANG DELICIOUS!

--Dan Colgate