How To Make America Great Again

I say we turn back the clock and take America back to a time when...

• presidential candidates had experience in politics.
• presidential candidates didn't commit treason, like, say, asking the Russians for help with the election.
• presidential candidates paid their taxes (and didn't brag about how exploiting loopholes and avoiding taxes "made them smart").
• presidential candidates understood the difference between an abortion and a C-section.
• presidential candidates didn't threaten their opponents with imprisonment.
• presidential candidates didn't gloat about sexual assault, and then later try to dismiss it as "locker room talk".