The Nicene Creed: A New American English Translation

Even though it's been a while since the Vatican decided to screw up all the words of the English Catholic liturgy (since the 27th of November, anno domini 2011) if you're anything like me you still haven't gotten used to the changes, and continue to say things like "And also with you" when you're supposed to say "And with your spirit," or "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you..." when you should actually say "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof..." or whatever other such poorly-translated silliness this AIDS-spreading, gay-hating, female-priest-denying Nazi pope and his ilk are trying to foist on us.

Maybe the new words aren't such a big deal for those Catholics born before Vatican II, but for us under-fifties, it's huge. At least, for me it is, because I was explicitly told I would only have to memorize all this stuff once. I look to the Church for stability and consistency -- and while there are plenty of areas in which the Church DESPERATELY needs to change (see previous paragraph) the words we English-speakers (used to) say during Mass should not be taking priority.

Supposedly the new English liturgy is a more faithful rendering of the good old Latin text that did the job for centuries (and which, if I were in charge, we never would have abandoned in the first place). Speaking as an expert* on Intercultural Relations, I can tell you that translation is by nature a tricky business. See, there's always this trade-off between literal and dynamic, and the art of rendering a truly "faithful" translation involves striking a balance between the two, because the point of a translation, after all, is to communicate the meaning of the original, and an over-literal translation defeats its own purpose by obfuscating that.

But if the Church wants to play over-literal ball, I say let's dance. I have therefore undertaken my own translation of the Credo based on the original** Latin. Feel free to mumble this version during Mass since nobody knows the new version anyway.

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THE NICENE CREED:
A NEW AMERICAN ENGLISH TRANSLATION

by Dan Colgate
Based on the Latin Liturgical Version

I believe in one God,
the almighty Father,
maker of the sky and of the earth,
of all visible things and invisible things;
and in one Lord Jesus Christ,
the only-begotten Son of God,
born out of the Father before all centuries,
God derived from God, light derived from light, true God derived from true God,
begotten, not made, of the same stuff as God,
through whom all things were made;
who, for the sake of us humans and our preservation,
descended from the sky,
and was incarnated by the Holy Spirit
out of the virgin Mary, and was made human;
also crucified for us under Pontius Pilate,
He suffered, and was entombed,
and rose again on the third day, in accordance with the Writings,
and went up into the sky, sitting on the right-hand side of the Father,
and after a while He will come with glory
to judge the living and the dead,
and His kingdom will have no ending;
And in the Holy Spirit, Lord and life-ifier***,
who goes in front of the Father and the Son,
who, along with the Father and the Son, is at the same time adored**** and co-glorified,
and who has spoken through the prophets;
and in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
I acknowledge one baptism regarding the sending-back of sins
and await the rising-again of the dead
and the life of the coming centuries. Oh yeah.

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* In this case, "expert" might be more accurately rendered as "bachelor's degree holder".
** The Nicene Creed was originally written in Greek, but I don't speak Greek.
*** The Church translation of vivificántem is "giver of life". Not very faithful if you ask me.
**** The film Malcolm X does an excellent job of explaining the Roman sense of the word adorare, as denoting the ideal way troops should feel about their general, i.e. a mixture of love, respectful deference, and fear. In contemporary American English, "adored" doesn't quite do it justice -- e.g. "I just adore those napkin holders!" But "worshipped" isn't quite right either. Hmm...